Who Knew?

Stop the presses! An Earth-shattering story has been broken by our friends at Reuter's. Yes, according to this article, a healthy lifestyle reduces the risk of stroke. In other words, a lifestyle that includes a healthy, low-fat diet, regular exercise, no smoking, moderation in alcohol and a healthy weight can actually have positive health results! Why have we never been told this before? I mean, this is BIG!

Up to now, the American Heart Association has advocated just the opposite, haven't they? They've been telling us to maintain a diet of lard scooped out from a can while watching 16 hours of TV a day and chase it down with fifths of bourbon between packs of cigarettes. The Center for Disease Control has been trying to abolish condom use, encourage frequent anonymous sex, never wash hands and actually lick persons suffering from contagious diseases. No doubt this study from Harvard will turn those institutions on their ear!

Who would have thought that what has been termed a "healthy lifestyle" for generations was actually healthy? If you're like me, you probably thought that they used the term "healthy lifestyle" just because they couldn't think of anything else to call it. No, now we actually have a study, with percentages and numbers to prove it! Certainly there has never been a study ever in the past to quantify that low fat, reasonable weight, exercise and moderation in indulgences would have any health benefits whatsoever. Those "warnings" on tobacco and alcohol containers? Up to now, they've just been there because they had extra ink at the label printers they needed to get rid of. "Health food" stores and restaurants? They've only been in business because "health" has been synonymous with "fashionable." Wow, now they're gonna really have to buck up to some actual responsibility with this news.

I'm completely positive that when Dr. Stephanie E. Chiuve applied for the certainly lavish grant to conduct this original study, she had absolutely no idea of the results it would reveal. Such a study (and generous grant) was clearly absolutely necessary since the human race has never had any inkling that healthy habits would result in actual health. In view of this, I'll propose my own study: Does an "unhealthy lifestyle" result in health risks? I can't imagine what the answer might be. Can I have my multimillion dollars in grant money now? The world needs to know.