Monday, May 31, 2004

Wonderfully Awful Ideas

Finally! Someone has wised up to the inanity of the "entertainment" industry, where terrible ideas become Hollywood blockbusters. These are some of the best ideas for movies I've seen in ages.

Any other suggestions for bad idea'd movies? How about Titanic 2? Rose realizes she was an idiot for losing that huge damn diamond and goes to buy a cheap-knock off on Ebay. Then she goes to find her equally geriatric former fiance, who's riddled with Alzheimers. He can remember Rose and their engagement, but fortunately not the terrible incidents that transpired after the Titanic's sinking. Impressed with the big-ass "diamond," they get married, she inherits his millions and has a great boob job.She gets a show on MTV with the pilot episode featuring her in a catfight with Anna Nicole Smith. Flashbacks can include her dalliance as a prostitute and the heartache of having those ADHD grandkids.

Maybe we can have Crocodile Dundee 4: Back to the Outback. Paul Hogan moves back to the outback and has a "walkabout," only to catch yellow fever from a mosquito. Delirious with fever and dehydration, he is slowly consumed by a pack of dingoes and dies, forever ending this ridiculous chain of movies.