Monday, December 01, 2008

Murder Most Heinous

I'm not one to judge, but in my opinion those who deliberately murder deserve the death sentence, no if's, and's or but's. Therefore I find it odd that apparently murder now has a rating system that one might compare with the popularity vote one might find on "American Idol" or some similar pop-culture reference. In this article, genocide is listed by the reporter as the word's most heinous crime. However Christiane Amanpour has spent her career traveling to the sites of genocidal events the world over. Does it seem to you that one who chooses to obsess over one particular form of murder might logically deduce that their particular OCD trigger is the most important one?

To be fair to other forms of murder I Googled "most heinous crime." Child molestation ranked right up there. There are those that think being a bad mother is the world's most heinous crime, citing a reference comparing the murder of the child with the bad mother. Guess what? The bad mom got a harsher sentence than did the actual child murderer! The BBC at least gets back into the murder arena, calling the killing of prostitutes "most heinous." (Really? Dead hookers?) If you look at some groups, terrorist attacks are the most heinous of crimes.

True, everything mentioned above is heinous. But is seems that the popularity of what is considered "most" heinous is in the eyes of the beholder. And obviously the beholder has a certain OCD about their particular field of interest (e.g. the guy who thinks killing hookers is the worst). I found it interesting that in the Google pages I checked, notably missing from the list were abortion, elderly abuse, drunk driving and slavery. It sounds like these crimes need more vocal advocates! Perhaps we could start a reality TV show where the public could text their responses for the most heinous crime? Wouldn't that be fun? ("To vote for terrorism text 'terror.' To vote for dead prostitutes text '50dollar.') Or even better, a caged wrestling match between the people who think their pet crime is the most heinous. I'd pay-per-view the match between the one who thinks bad moms are the worst vs. the one who think child molestation is worst. Naturally, such a match would be to the death.

Now THAT would a good heinous crime!

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

I Hate to Burst Your Bubble But...

It’s 11:22 pm and I’m at work. Barak Obama has just been elected the next president of the United States. Good for him. He obviously had plenty of supporters as well as the message that most Americans wanted to hear. He has been very gracious throughout the entire election, and has set an excellent example in campaign policy. I don’t expect him to gloat publicly over his win.

On the other hand, I have already encountered a (hopefully) small cadre of voters of varying persuasions voicing their opinion on the election. I checked out the comments on and note two polar opposites of reactions. Some supporters of Obama gloat maliciously on his victory. Some McCain supporters bitterly predict the utter downfall of the country and pronounce their desire to leave, which is egged on by the Obamans. The normally nasty tones of racism have risen on to a frightening crescendo. Several of my black friends have repeated multiple times in the same conversation to me that Obama won and made sure I noticed the blazing neon sign that Obama will be the first African-American president. Other black folks I’ve encountered on the street were overheard on their cell phones declaring “their” victory.

I would like to point out some illogic to the opinions I’ve highlighted here. First, though not exactly a point of illogic, yes, Obama will be the first African-American president. It has however, been pointed out since the days of the Emancipation Proclamation that one day, a black man would sit in the White House. After a hundred and fifty years, this will now happen. My point is that we all knew that sooner or later there would be a black President of the United States. Everyone knew this would happen eventually, so why is it a big deal that it happened today? It is akin to saying that one day there will be an earthquake in California or a blizzard in Denver. We know it was going to happen; so what? Let’s just hope he is up to the task, regardless of his heritage.

Another point highlighted above is the black locals declaring “their” victory. I note two instances of illogic in this. First, the African-American community, though vocal, is in fact still a minority in the United States. If every single black voter voted for Obama, and only fifty percent of the European-American constituency voted for McCain, McCain would have carried the majority of the popular vote. But this did not happen. Why? Because the majority of the white vote was also for Obama. Obama was elected because white voters elected him. It is therefore illogical for African-American voters to claim victory for “their” candidate because of their vote when he was actually elected because of an overwhelming white majority. However, it is encouraging to see the black community so enthused about the electoral process, particularly since this segment of America has been historically lackluster when it comes to voting.

Secondly on the same point, locals in New Orleans or anywhere in Louisiana, cannot technically claim victory for electing Obama, since the state’s electoral college elected McCain. Though there are some vehement Obama supporters, overall, McCain took Louisiana in the popular vote, which means his state electors selected him in the electoral college (which is actually the real election). Since it’s fresh in your mind, remember how at the polling place there were the presidential candidates' names and nine names in smaller print below each name? Those are the electors’ names. Louisiana has nine electors; this number is based on our population. When you vote, you actually say, ‘I want those nine people to select my candidate.’ McCain voters actually selected McCain’s nine people, who in turn said ‘McCain is the guy Louisiana wants as president.’ Since more people selected McCain’s nine electors than selected Obama’s nine electors, the electoral college from Louisiana chose McCain in the real election - the electoral college selection. Therefore, though Obama’s supporters have every right to cheer for his winning, he did NOT win because of Louisiana voters, so it is illogical for Louisiana voters to regard his victory as their victory.

Third is a point that I am astounded I feel I must remind people of. Though Obama’s campaign slogan was “Vote for change,” and that word, “change” was malleted into everyone’s heads at every opportunity, such a campaign promise has been the foundation of every politician’s campaign since democracy was invented. How many campaign promises have been uttered, only to go unfulfilled? For example, does anyone remember “Read my lips; no new taxes”? Several years later, that campaign promise was proven false. No doubt, Mr. Obama has excellent ideas for changes in government. But is must be kept in mind that the presidency is only one branch of our government. The president is not king or dictator. The Legislative and Judicial branches of the federal government exist specifically to provide checks and balances on the Executive branch, so that the Executive branch, the President, cannot rule the country alone. The President cannot simply say “today I decree that you will pay this much in taxes.” That exact situation happened over two hundred and thirty years ago, resulting in the American colonies declaring their independence from Britain and the Revolutionary War. It will not happen again without a similar war. Instead of sweeping, overnight changes in government, life will go on exactly as it has for you and me for years. We will continue to pay bills, raise children, have family get-togethers, go to work, be born and die as we always have. This will continue for the next four years and for millenia after that.

Finally, before anyone throws the “bitter grapes” card or the “racism” card at me, let it be known that I voted for neither Barak Obama nor John McCain. I voted for an “also-ran” candidate because I believed he had the best ideas for America. I was under no illusion that he would win, and was hoping that of the two front-runner candidates, Obama would win. Since I knew Ron Paul wouldn’t win, I feel Barak Obama is a good second choice for me, better than McCain. I am happy that he won. As I stated earlier, I am very pleased that black Americans have taken such a passionate interest in their government and hope it persists. I hope that the cretinous comments I have read and heard are from only a small, rude percentage of the population. I can only hope that both McCain and Obama supporters can be as gracious as both Obama is in victory and McCain is in defeat. No one likes a sore loser. And absolutely no one likes a sore winner.

Monday, November 03, 2008

Top 10 Good Thing Regardless of Who Wins

I totally know my "also-ran" Presidential candidate is not going to win. Hence I've compiled a list of the "Top Ten" good things that will happen depending on the certain outcome of the election, no matter which candidate wins. Enjoy.

Top ten good things if McCain & Palin win:

10. Tina Fey has four years of steady work at SNL.
9. Free elk & moose hunting licenses for all.
8. Democrats sulk for four more years.
7. We get to petition the government for a bailout whenever we’re overdrawn (precedent, right?)
6. We explore the U.S. like Lewis and Clark because other countries want to kill Americans.
5. Satellite photos of Russians looking across the Bering Strait saying “I can’t see her house. What is she talking about?”
4. Revolving door at Mexican border furnished with plush carpeting and string orchestra.
3. George W. Bush captured by Iraquis and exiled to Isle of Elba, Napoleon-style.
2. Great Britain declares independence from United States.
1. David Letterman and Jay Leno have awesome monologs while Sarah Palin in office.

Top 10 good things if Obama & Biden win:

10. The look on welfare recipients faces who voted for Obama when they are now expected to get jobs.
9. The look on Obama’s face when welfare recipients refuse to get jobs.
8. Canada welcomes rich folks seeking tax refuge with open arms.
7. Other countries not quite so dangerous to visit.
6. Christians get first-hand experience dealing with those mysterious Muslims.
5. Huge reduction in military spending because the U.S. can’t afford it anymore, what with all the”domestic” spending.
4. Everyone who shops at The Gap can look like the first lady. (4a. Fifth Avenue elite stores go out of business and the neighborhood becomes far more interesting.)
3. Revolving door at Mexican border replaced with one-way door into US, but no plush carpet or orchestra. Driver’s licenses handed out upon entry.
2. Universal healthcare clinics staffed by Obama voters. Affordable Chinese herbal medicines, rhinoceros tusks and chakri stones are the standard of care.
1. Russia, Cuba & China are our new best friends forever. Long live Obamunism!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Worse Than Katrina, Ike and the Stock Market Plunge

Apparently a bunch of bees have colonized three units of slum housing in Miami. And apparently part of the tragedy is there's a baby somewhere around, as evidenced by one of the interviewees decreeing "we can't have dese stuffs around." Because, you know, bees are so well-known to establish colonies within the aforementioned babies.

Another person interviewed says "I have seen a lot of things in my life, but I have never seen nothing so devastating as this," referring to the beehive. Yes, readers, there we have it. Despite what you think about hurricanes on the gulf which kill hundreds, tsunamis that destroy thousands, wildfires that consume hundreds of miles of forests and towns or the earthquakes that threaten to split countries in two, none of that compares with the "devastation" inherent in having a colony of bees in the wall of a house in the ghetto. The same day this video was posted, the Dow Jones Industrial Average plummeted over 400 points in one day. The government has already doubled our national debt by bailing out Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac and the situation will be even worse if AIG also gets bailed out. Problematic for our society and economy? Sure. But holy mother of God above, it pales in comparison to the havoc wreaked by these three beehives!

One of the expert entomologists in the video declares "If you attract bees, they'll come at you and they could kill you!" It is fascinating that this statement comes as we watch Adrian Valero, the bee wrangler, pile the bees into a bucket and chop away at the hive with a hatchet, unstung and unharmed after hours of work. Perhaps the "expert" interviewed had in mind the awful death that ensues around age 95 after being stung when you're 20.

It occurs to this writer that the bee industry might be overjoyed to find not one but three healthy, thriving colonies of honeybees in the face of the mysterious bee plague that has decimated domestic colonies lately. Such colonies can be transplanted and used to bolster or replace dying ones helping to recoup some of 15 billion dollars at stake from the bee industry alone. But I am obviously wrong, wrong, wrong. These thriving beehives are "terrible, just terrible." The worst part of the "devastation?" There's no one for the occupants of the houses to sue in some frivolous but profitable lawsuit. I'm sure they'll think of something, though.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

New Mayor Ray Nagin Pinata!

There is a new Halloween treat out this year! Chocolate City Industries would like to announce the availability of the new Mayor Ray Nagin Piñata! The papier maché figure is a fun treat that all can enjoy, both children and voters alike! The enormous head is suspended above all the mere mortals in an appropriate position from which to supervise and “monitor” the piñata party. Imagine the fun to be had by all as they beat Nagin about the face and head with long sticks!

But the fun doesn't end there. Just like it's namesake, it doesn't take much for the Mayor Ray Nagin Piñata to release its treats that party-goers and media personalities can chew on for a long, long time! To cut down on weight, the head is mostly empty, but the mouth part of the piñata is filled with goodness. Yes, after the fun of whacking Nagin's head for a while, the mouth opens and spills out a seemingly endless torrent of sweets with virtually no nutritional value!

From the Mayor Ray Nagin Piñata, there comes a delightful assortment of treats. You'll find no shortage of chocolate bars – Chunky's, Nestle's, Milky Ways and Hershey's (with and without nuts). As a unique feature, the piñata will also gush forth with fortune cookies, all featuring a classic Nagin gem as a fortune. “New York can't fix a hole in the ground,” “By the end of the day, this will be a Chocolate City,” “Everything is the media's fault,” and the latest Naginism, “Just ask for the Ray Nagin special” are among the fortunes you'll find. Trade with your friends and collect them all!

With the new Mayor Ray Nagin Piñata, you'll find that piñatas aren't just for kids anymore! Everyone's fantasies are indulged with the ability to physically beat Nagin as well as a Category 5 tempest of delicious sayings right from his mouth! Also available soon from Chocolate City Industries is the Mayor Ray Nagin Piñata Mark II, which features the Mayor's foot already inserted in the mouth. In addition, soon you can look for the Stealth Piñata – an image of the mayor's spokeswoman, Ceeon Quiett. The Stealth Piñata makes a great gag gift to give to anyone who appreciates an ironic sense of humor. You can poke her, beat her and otherwise coerce her, but she'll never let anything fall from her mouth (for advanced piñata users only).

If you're one of the first 500 to order, we'll throw in a piñata stick with which to beat the Mayor Ray Nagin Piñata. This is no ordinary stick; it's guaranteed to make the Nagin-beating experience 100% more enjoyable! How, you ask? It's tipped with a replica of the “Courage and Leadership in Recovery” award! But wait, that's not all! If you order now, we'll include free of charge a sheaf of apology letters from various city government and business associations addressed to anyone who might be injured or offended by Nagin's droppings. Get one today!

Tuesday, August 26, 2008 Needs to Remove the "Comments" Section

I've created a file I intend to post on the next Times-Picayune article on someone killed in New Orleans. Every crime article devolves into commentaries on race, public corruption and bleeding hearts in the comments section. I doubt my creation with thwart the tide of idiotic editorials, but hey, it's a start.

Some person was killed in the nth hundred block of [Random Street] in some ghetto neighborhood. NOPD has no motive or suspect. Call Crimestoppers (yeah, right).

Posted by (Happy_Glad)
I'm just glad that there's one less thug to worry about on the streets. We can all be happy that the city's a little bit safer now. Let the thugs take each other out!

Posted by (White_Racist)
All these black people are ruining the Chocolate City. All black people are criminals and should be exported to the ocean!

Posted by (Black_Racist)
You're an idiot White_Racist. All crimes are committed by white folks. It's just that blacks are the only ones ever arrested.

Posted by (White_Racist)
No, you're the idiot.

Posted by (Black_Racist)
No, you are.

Posted by (White_Racist)
No you are.

Posted by (HolyMaryMotherofGod)
I just pray for the poor victims and their families! Oh, how forlorn the mother must feel! I pray for all victims of crimes because they must all be perfectly innocent!

Posted by (Pundidiot)
Well, I think all the crime in this city is because of [Public Official]'s greed and corruption! It's obvious that he/she is stupid and should be removed from earth! And It's all NOPD's fault too, because they should be able to stop people from even thinking about criminal acts! Get rid of all city officials!

Posted by (SaveTheChildren)
Were any children hurt in this shooting/stabbing/whatever? I hope not. Oh please let our poor fragile soap-bubble kids be okay...(boo hoo blubber blubber)!

Posted by (HurricaneHunter)
How can you people worry about murders and crime when there's a tropical storm in the gulf? We all know that all social ills are Katrina's fault anyway!

...And so on for about 100 posts. Thank you.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

The U.S. Must Be Sorely Disappointed

Check this out! Russian President Medvedev called off Russia's war with Georgia. Just like that. According to the article, President Bush decried the action and said Russia's standing was "substantially damaged" in the rest of the world's view.

Imagine how disappointed ol' Dubya must be. Without any involvement from the United States, two foreign governments managed to handle an international crisis all by themselves! America didn't even get to drop some ordinance or invade a parking lot! And according to this article on MSNBC, it seems that VP Dick Cheney was hankering to do just that. Isn't it simply awful that the American World Police weren't sent to the scene? It seems unthinkable that any war, coup, uprising, barroom brawl or playground slapping match could possibly be resolved without the infinite wisdom of the good old U.S. of A!

Even worse must be the disappointment that our up-and-coming presidential candidates must feel. Either is on the verge of a new drunken binge of power. Plopped into the presidency during the middle of a war between our buddies the Georgians and the not-very-buddyish Russians, both McCain and Obama could have used the opportunity to sell themselves like a used car salesman at a rally of gullible retards. Of note is this Reuter's article in which Obama is quoted as lambasting the Russians for getting all up in Georgia's bubble. Russia "violated the space of another country" (and, you know, the U.S. never does that!). As president, Obama could have so used that war to show what a swell guy he was by never ever sending any troops or planes or tanks or bombs or food or medicine, all the while touting himself to his media entourage as a 'peaceful kinda guy.' It could have been the ultimate reverse 9-11 PR move! Crowds would throw roses at his feet. Well, maybe our buddies the Georgians wouldn't throw many roses; they'd all be dead.

McCain on the other hand, according to the same article, took a "tougher line against Russia than either ...Bush or Obama." Imagine old John up there in the White House, ordering all the planes and tanks and invasions and assassins and medusae and whatnot. After our troops had scoured the land sterile with tank treads and cluster bombs, we'd still have to maintain a "presence" with the military. With Georgia a smoldering husk, the only thing left to do would be to continue fighting Russians. McCain could receive the glory of finally using all those fancy expensive nuclear weapons and America wouldn't ever have to worry about all that tension again.

Yep, it's a sad day for America when some two-bit country like Russia or Georgia manages to settle their problems without our divine benificence. Hmmm, how's our old friends, the Iranians?

Monday, August 11, 2008

Who Knew?

Stop the presses! An Earth-shattering story has been broken by our friends at Reuter's. Yes, according to this article, a healthy lifestyle reduces the risk of stroke. In other words, a lifestyle that includes a healthy, low-fat diet, regular exercise, no smoking, moderation in alcohol and a healthy weight can actually have positive health results! Why have we never been told this before? I mean, this is BIG!

Up to now, the American Heart Association has advocated just the opposite, haven't they? They've been telling us to maintain a diet of lard scooped out from a can while watching 16 hours of TV a day and chase it down with fifths of bourbon between packs of cigarettes. The Center for Disease Control has been trying to abolish condom use, encourage frequent anonymous sex, never wash hands and actually lick persons suffering from contagious diseases. No doubt this study from Harvard will turn those institutions on their ear!

Who would have thought that what has been termed a "healthy lifestyle" for generations was actually healthy? If you're like me, you probably thought that they used the term "healthy lifestyle" just because they couldn't think of anything else to call it. No, now we actually have a study, with percentages and numbers to prove it! Certainly there has never been a study ever in the past to quantify that low fat, reasonable weight, exercise and moderation in indulgences would have any health benefits whatsoever. Those "warnings" on tobacco and alcohol containers? Up to now, they've just been there because they had extra ink at the label printers they needed to get rid of. "Health food" stores and restaurants? They've only been in business because "health" has been synonymous with "fashionable." Wow, now they're gonna really have to buck up to some actual responsibility with this news.

I'm completely positive that when Dr. Stephanie E. Chiuve applied for the certainly lavish grant to conduct this original study, she had absolutely no idea of the results it would reveal. Such a study (and generous grant) was clearly absolutely necessary since the human race has never had any inkling that healthy habits would result in actual health. In view of this, I'll propose my own study: Does an "unhealthy lifestyle" result in health risks? I can't imagine what the answer might be. Can I have my multimillion dollars in grant money now? The world needs to know.

Friday, August 01, 2008

Alligator Summer

I can see it brewing. The other day, some kid got his arm eaten by a gator. Now the "wildlife nuisance control" has killed an 11-foot gator in the Bonne Carre Spillway because it "wasn't afraid of humans." Well of course it wasn't afraid of humans; why would it be? If I was an 11 foot long alligator, I wouldn't be afraid of very much at all!

Alligators are receiving quite the media blitz in southeast Louisiana these days. Apparently, the new criteria for wildlife being a danger is directly proportional to its fear of humans. And alligators, brazenly lounging about on the banks of bayous and rivers, are clearly just begging to be shot. If they were afraid of humans, they'd be cowering in caves and staying under the water, not soaking up the sun in plain view, as if they were so many sorority girls on spring break. I'm sure it won't be long before a new crusade is launched to eliminate them from our waterways. Some family and friends of the alligator-bait kid will no doubt start a fund devoted to the extermination of alligators, much like Jefferson Parish's nightly slaughter of nutria. Won't it be ironic then, that just a few years ago, alligators were on the endangered species list, and soon a Hitlerian death-camp order will be the reptiles' destiny?

As wildlife contol officers mention, a creature's fear of humans, or lack thereof, is the determining factor in deciding if said creature is a danger. By this criteria, these officers will have a lot of work to do. Just this morning I was sitting on my balcony when I was accosted by a nuisance animal. A monstrous lizard, at least 5 whole inches long, walked right across the railing, not a foot in front of me! Clearly it has no fear of humans and must be eliminated! I have witnessed on many occasions ducks and geese being fed in City Park, fearlessly waddling right up to people, bold as could be! And some of those people were children! Imagine what could happen if these nuisance poultry aren't dealt with soon! "Child Pecked to Death by Ducks!" would be the headlines on the Times-Picayune.

The mind boggles when imagining all the nuisance wildlife out there. Squirrels harrasing picnickers, pigeons roaming freely in the French Quarter, minnows fearlessly swimming with bathers in Destin - there's danger everywhere you turn! How many times have you witnessed the horrifying sight: a big labrador retriever or a tiny pekingnese or a tabby kittycat waltz right up to some unsuspecting human with no fear whatsoever demanding to be tummy-rubbed or ear-scratched? This fearless nuisance wildlife terrorizing us humans has to end! The wildlife nuisance control officers certainly have their work cut out for them. If only the animals could read their motto on their 4-wheel-drive pickups: "Fear us... or DIE!"

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Clearly, We Need More Torture

It is gratifying to note that the U.S. doesn't violate it's own prohibition against torture without "the specific intent to inflict severe pain or suffering." In other words, practices that appear to be torture really aren't, despite what the ACLU and other bleeding hearts think. If you only wanted to "waterboard" someone to get your sadistic jollies, then that would be torture. But if you're using the waterboard as an "enhanced interrogation technique", then that's ok.

My point is this: since when did this become a problem? The U.S. government has been using "enhanced interrogation techniques" for years. Other countries have been doing so too (just ask John McCain). It's only been an uproar since the freaking ACLU decided that it needed to insert its fingers into the national security pie. Why? It's the American Civil Liberties Union, not the Oh-you-poor-foreigners Civil Liberties Union. If you wanna make sure that my mom isn't being dragged out of her home for a night of waterboarding to be asked about her high-school sweetheart who might have been a communist in the '50's, I'm all about that. But the point is, these aren't Americans we're talking about. They are TERRORISTS! I know, I've railed against calling every foreigner a terrorist, but the fact is that there are indeed terrorists out there. Go take a gander at ground zero in New York if you don't believe me.

Torture, um, that is, enhanced interrogation techniques should be applied to more "high-value detainees" (and to "low-value detainees" for that matter). That way, when they give the information requested and eventually set free by some ACLU-bribed judge, they will be strongly motivated to cease and desist from their anti-American "activities." They will also be less likely to recruit others for the job. And sentence will already have been served, condensed into a few sessions of "enhancement." The CIA gets its info, the detainees go home, justice has been served, and fewer people join the "Let's Kill Americans" extracurricular club. Everybody's happy. Except the ACLU, who will never be happy until anarchy is the order of all things.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

The Epitome of Stupid

This is what pisses me off. I'm a paramedic and ER nurse. Here this man brought a gunshot victim, not to an emergency room, not to a doctor's office, not even to a police station, but to a TV station! Are you kidding me? Why do people do such ridiculous things? Pray tell, what exactly was the man expecting the news station to do? Film her bleeding? According to the report, he was going to "turn himself in" to the police. With that ostensible reasoning, to whom was he planning to speak at the police station - oh wait, NEWS STATION?!
Really? The news? If he was the perpetrator of the shooting, then not only should he be charged with that but also with felony stupidity.
It drives me up an Everest-sized wall when people load the sick and injured into their car and proceed to anywhere BUT where they need to go. I've picked up patients who were IN A CAR but the driver decided that instead of tootling on down to the hospital, they would stop at the Burger King, the gas station, their friend's house, the bank, the car wash, the convenience store or any other random freaking location to decide to call 911. You're in a car! With gas! Why can't you just drive your friend to the ER? WTF? Now you want to get on the news! Seriously? Again, I officially volunteer to be the state euthanasist.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

"Nigger" Not a "Real Issue" - Jesse Jackson

Here we have it folks! Jesse Jackson himself, self-appointed Lord of the Black Americans, apologized for his use of "the n-word" while simultaneously asking Barack Obama et al to focus on the "real issues" affecting black people. Significantly, his statement to focus attention on "real issues" implies that the use of the "n-word" (which we all know is "nigger" and not, say, "nifty") is not a "real issue" that confronts "African-Americans."

Jesse Jackson himself said it! We now have the equivalent of Black Papal Dispensation to use the word "nigger" all we want, whether we are black, white, Asian, Hispanic, Pacific Islander, Native American, or whatever mixture our DNA dictates. This is a great day for Civil Liberties! Finally, an American who truly knows the meaning of the first amendment. Reverend Jackson does truly understand that racial "slurs" are not a "real issue" confronting any Americans today. Nigger nigger nigger! Cracker cracker cracker! Gook gook gook! Not a real problem in terminology. Any problem with this? I refer you to our great Civil Rights leader, Jesse Jackson!

Why even I myself just yesterday used the term "cracker" to refer to a group of folks reported on by CNN. Thank you, Reverend Jackson, for your official permission to use whatever slogans, slurs, opinions or terms I want to refer to members of either my own heritage or that of others. I and our great country have finally come to realize that mere words are not the greatest social ills facing mankind, nor our country. Three cheers for a great patriot!

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Gotta Love White Trash

Wow. Pretty impressive. How did the news reporters get ahold of this little group? I don't know what I like better - the 300-pound dyke mom smoking a cigarette while coddling her kid? The shocking revelation of the 300-pound neighbor harboring a vicious pit bull? The 300-pound teenager giving the finger while admonishing the news people that the incident is "none of your business"? Maybe the little kid bit in the face who's sure to grow up to be a sensation on the drag circuit? Perhaps the on-camera bitch fight is the most fun aspect of the video? Man, it's all so entertaining! Kudos to the journalists that no doubt were camping out in this delightful neighborhood waiting for just such an indulgent story!

By the way, let me get this straight... the 300-pound mom waited till after the news people had interviewed her to pursue her physical assault and tirade against the pit bull-owning neighbor? And initiated that brawl only after the news cameras were already rolling. After she had already talked to the police and apparently not mentioned her son's bite injuries? Wow. I can just hear Jerry Springer talking to his people to get them on the show ASAP. Way to go, crackers!