Finally, Barbie and Ken, childhood's most obnoxious couple, are splitting up! It's about freakin' time. That bitch has been using the boy long enough. Who do you think has been paying for all the fancy dream houses, Barbie cars, jewelry, hair and outfits? Poor Ken! And do you think he ever got a piece of ass? Of course not! Despite all the perverted positions and whatnot we used place those two in when we were kids, the poor boy never got a nut. He doesn't have any! She's the ultimate cocktease, leading him on when she knew perfectly well he wasn't getting anywhere. Now we know where women learn that stuff - it's designed into their toys!
Now supposedly she's off to have a wild affair with Blaine the Australian surfer dude. Typical female. Here's some advice Blaine: RUN!
Where's Ken gonna go now? Probably off to come out of the closet and have that long sought-after affair with G.I Joe. Of course, don't ask, don't tell, Joe! But I guess we all suspected it of Ken all along. Besides, being with that bitch is enough to drive anyone over the fence!