Worse Than Katrina, Ike and the Stock Market Plunge

Apparently a bunch of bees have colonized three units of slum housing in Miami. And apparently part of the tragedy is there's a baby somewhere around, as evidenced by one of the interviewees decreeing "we can't have dese stuffs around." Because, you know, bees are so well-known to establish colonies within the aforementioned babies.

Another person interviewed says "I have seen a lot of things in my life, but I have never seen nothing so devastating as this," referring to the beehive. Yes, readers, there we have it. Despite what you think about hurricanes on the gulf which kill hundreds, tsunamis that destroy thousands, wildfires that consume hundreds of miles of forests and towns or the earthquakes that threaten to split countries in two, none of that compares with the "devastation" inherent in having a colony of bees in the wall of a house in the ghetto. The same day this video was posted, the Dow Jones Industrial Average plummeted over 400 points in one day. The government has already doubled our national debt by bailing out Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac and the situation will be even worse if AIG also gets bailed out. Problematic for our society and economy? Sure. But holy mother of God above, it pales in comparison to the havoc wreaked by these three beehives!

One of the expert entomologists in the video declares "If you attract bees, they'll come at you and they could kill you!" It is fascinating that this statement comes as we watch Adrian Valero, the bee wrangler, pile the bees into a bucket and chop away at the hive with a hatchet, unstung and unharmed after hours of work. Perhaps the "expert" interviewed had in mind the awful death that ensues around age 95 after being stung when you're 20.

It occurs to this writer that the bee industry might be overjoyed to find not one but three healthy, thriving colonies of honeybees in the face of the mysterious bee plague that has decimated domestic colonies lately. Such colonies can be transplanted and used to bolster or replace dying ones helping to recoup some of 15 billion dollars at stake from the bee industry alone. But I am obviously wrong, wrong, wrong. These thriving beehives are "terrible, just terrible." The worst part of the "devastation?" There's no one for the occupants of the houses to sue in some frivolous but profitable lawsuit. I'm sure they'll think of something, though.

New Mayor Ray Nagin Pinata!

There is a new Halloween treat out this year! Chocolate City Industries would like to announce the availability of the new Mayor Ray Nagin Piñata! The papier maché figure is a fun treat that all can enjoy, both children and voters alike! The enormous head is suspended above all the mere mortals in an appropriate position from which to supervise and “monitor” the piñata party. Imagine the fun to be had by all as they beat Nagin about the face and head with long sticks!

But the fun doesn't end there. Just like it's namesake, it doesn't take much for the Mayor Ray Nagin Piñata to release its treats that party-goers and media personalities can chew on for a long, long time! To cut down on weight, the head is mostly empty, but the mouth part of the piñata is filled with goodness. Yes, after the fun of whacking Nagin's head for a while, the mouth opens and spills out a seemingly endless torrent of sweets with virtually no nutritional value!

From the Mayor Ray Nagin Piñata, there comes a delightful assortment of treats. You'll find no shortage of chocolate bars – Chunky's, Nestle's, Milky Ways and Hershey's (with and without nuts). As a unique feature, the piñata will also gush forth with fortune cookies, all featuring a classic Nagin gem as a fortune. “New York can't fix a hole in the ground,” “By the end of the day, this will be a Chocolate City,” “Everything is the media's fault,” and the latest Naginism, “Just ask for the Ray Nagin special” are among the fortunes you'll find. Trade with your friends and collect them all!

With the new Mayor Ray Nagin Piñata, you'll find that piñatas aren't just for kids anymore! Everyone's fantasies are indulged with the ability to physically beat Nagin as well as a Category 5 tempest of delicious sayings right from his mouth! Also available soon from Chocolate City Industries is the Mayor Ray Nagin Piñata Mark II, which features the Mayor's foot already inserted in the mouth. In addition, soon you can look for the Stealth Piñata – an image of the mayor's spokeswoman, Ceeon Quiett. The Stealth Piñata makes a great gag gift to give to anyone who appreciates an ironic sense of humor. You can poke her, beat her and otherwise coerce her, but she'll never let anything fall from her mouth (for advanced piñata users only).

If you're one of the first 500 to order, we'll throw in a piñata stick with which to beat the Mayor Ray Nagin Piñata. This is no ordinary stick; it's guaranteed to make the Nagin-beating experience 100% more enjoyable! How, you ask? It's tipped with a replica of the “Courage and Leadership in Recovery” award! But wait, that's not all! If you order now, we'll include free of charge a sheaf of apology letters from various city government and business associations addressed to anyone who might be injured or offended by Nagin's droppings. Get one today!

Nola.com Needs to Remove the "Comments" Section

I've created a file I intend to post on the next Times-Picayune article on someone killed in New Orleans. Every crime article devolves into commentaries on race, public corruption and bleeding hearts in the comments section. I doubt my creation with thwart the tide of idiotic editorials, but hey, it's a start.

Article
Some person was killed in the nth hundred block of [Random Street] in some ghetto neighborhood. NOPD has no motive or suspect. Call Crimestoppers (yeah, right).

Comments
Posted by (Happy_Glad)
I'm just glad that there's one less thug to worry about on the streets. We can all be happy that the city's a little bit safer now. Let the thugs take each other out!

Posted by (White_Racist)
All these black people are ruining the Chocolate City. All black people are criminals and should be exported to the ocean!

Posted by (Black_Racist)
You're an idiot White_Racist. All crimes are committed by white folks. It's just that blacks are the only ones ever arrested.

Posted by (White_Racist)
No, you're the idiot.

Posted by (Black_Racist)
No, you are.

Posted by (White_Racist)
No you are.

Posted by (HolyMaryMotherofGod)
I just pray for the poor victims and their families! Oh, how forlorn the mother must feel! I pray for all victims of crimes because they must all be perfectly innocent!

Posted by (Pundidiot)
Well, I think all the crime in this city is because of [Public Official]'s greed and corruption! It's obvious that he/she is stupid and should be removed from earth! And It's all NOPD's fault too, because they should be able to stop people from even thinking about criminal acts! Get rid of all city officials!

Posted by (SaveTheChildren)
Were any children hurt in this shooting/stabbing/whatever? I hope not. Oh please let our poor fragile soap-bubble kids be okay...(boo hoo blubber blubber)!

Posted by (HurricaneHunter)
How can you people worry about murders and crime when there's a tropical storm in the gulf? We all know that all social ills are Katrina's fault anyway!

...And so on for about 100 posts. Thank you.

The U.S. Must Be Sorely Disappointed

Check this out! Russian President Medvedev called off Russia's war with Georgia. Just like that. According to the article, President Bush decried the action and said Russia's standing was "substantially damaged" in the rest of the world's view.

Imagine how disappointed ol' Dubya must be. Without any involvement from the United States, two foreign governments managed to handle an international crisis all by themselves! America didn't even get to drop some ordinance or invade a parking lot! And according to this article on MSNBC, it seems that VP Dick Cheney was hankering to do just that. Isn't it simply awful that the American World Police weren't sent to the scene? It seems unthinkable that any war, coup, uprising, barroom brawl or playground slapping match could possibly be resolved without the infinite wisdom of the good old U.S. of A!

Even worse must be the disappointment that our up-and-coming presidential candidates must feel. Either is on the verge of a new drunken binge of power. Plopped into the presidency during the middle of a war between our buddies the Georgians and the not-very-buddyish Russians, both McCain and Obama could have used the opportunity to sell themselves like a used car salesman at a rally of gullible retards. Of note is this Reuter's article in which Obama is quoted as lambasting the Russians for getting all up in Georgia's bubble. Russia "violated the space of another country" (and, you know, the U.S. never does that!). As president, Obama could have so used that war to show what a swell guy he was by never ever sending any troops or planes or tanks or bombs or food or medicine, all the while touting himself to his media entourage as a 'peaceful kinda guy.' It could have been the ultimate reverse 9-11 PR move! Crowds would throw roses at his feet. Well, maybe our buddies the Georgians wouldn't throw many roses; they'd all be dead.

McCain on the other hand, according to the same article, took a "tougher line against Russia than either ...Bush or Obama." Imagine old John up there in the White House, ordering all the planes and tanks and invasions and assassins and medusae and whatnot. After our troops had scoured the land sterile with tank treads and cluster bombs, we'd still have to maintain a "presence" with the military. With Georgia a smoldering husk, the only thing left to do would be to continue fighting Russians. McCain could receive the glory of finally using all those fancy expensive nuclear weapons and America wouldn't ever have to worry about all that tension again.

Yep, it's a sad day for America when some two-bit country like Russia or Georgia manages to settle their problems without our divine benificence. Hmmm, how's our old friends, the Iranians?

Who Knew?

Stop the presses! An Earth-shattering story has been broken by our friends at Reuter's. Yes, according to this article, a healthy lifestyle reduces the risk of stroke. In other words, a lifestyle that includes a healthy, low-fat diet, regular exercise, no smoking, moderation in alcohol and a healthy weight can actually have positive health results! Why have we never been told this before? I mean, this is BIG!

Up to now, the American Heart Association has advocated just the opposite, haven't they? They've been telling us to maintain a diet of lard scooped out from a can while watching 16 hours of TV a day and chase it down with fifths of bourbon between packs of cigarettes. The Center for Disease Control has been trying to abolish condom use, encourage frequent anonymous sex, never wash hands and actually lick persons suffering from contagious diseases. No doubt this study from Harvard will turn those institutions on their ear!

Who would have thought that what has been termed a "healthy lifestyle" for generations was actually healthy? If you're like me, you probably thought that they used the term "healthy lifestyle" just because they couldn't think of anything else to call it. No, now we actually have a study, with percentages and numbers to prove it! Certainly there has never been a study ever in the past to quantify that low fat, reasonable weight, exercise and moderation in indulgences would have any health benefits whatsoever. Those "warnings" on tobacco and alcohol containers? Up to now, they've just been there because they had extra ink at the label printers they needed to get rid of. "Health food" stores and restaurants? They've only been in business because "health" has been synonymous with "fashionable." Wow, now they're gonna really have to buck up to some actual responsibility with this news.

I'm completely positive that when Dr. Stephanie E. Chiuve applied for the certainly lavish grant to conduct this original study, she had absolutely no idea of the results it would reveal. Such a study (and generous grant) was clearly absolutely necessary since the human race has never had any inkling that healthy habits would result in actual health. In view of this, I'll propose my own study: Does an "unhealthy lifestyle" result in health risks? I can't imagine what the answer might be. Can I have my multimillion dollars in grant money now? The world needs to know.

Alligator Summer

I can see it brewing. The other day, some kid got his arm eaten by a gator. Now the "wildlife nuisance control" has killed an 11-foot gator in the Bonne Carre Spillway because it "wasn't afraid of humans." Well of course it wasn't afraid of humans; why would it be? If I was an 11 foot long alligator, I wouldn't be afraid of very much at all!

Alligators are receiving quite the media blitz in southeast Louisiana these days. Apparently, the new criteria for wildlife being a danger is directly proportional to its fear of humans. And alligators, brazenly lounging about on the banks of bayous and rivers, are clearly just begging to be shot. If they were afraid of humans, they'd be cowering in caves and staying under the water, not soaking up the sun in plain view, as if they were so many sorority girls on spring break. I'm sure it won't be long before a new crusade is launched to eliminate them from our waterways. Some family and friends of the alligator-bait kid will no doubt start a fund devoted to the extermination of alligators, much like Jefferson Parish's nightly slaughter of nutria. Won't it be ironic then, that just a few years ago, alligators were on the endangered species list, and soon a Hitlerian death-camp order will be the reptiles' destiny?

As wildlife contol officers mention, a creature's fear of humans, or lack thereof, is the determining factor in deciding if said creature is a danger. By this criteria, these officers will have a lot of work to do. Just this morning I was sitting on my balcony when I was accosted by a nuisance animal. A monstrous lizard, at least 5 whole inches long, walked right across the railing, not a foot in front of me! Clearly it has no fear of humans and must be eliminated! I have witnessed on many occasions ducks and geese being fed in City Park, fearlessly waddling right up to people, bold as could be! And some of those people were children! Imagine what could happen if these nuisance poultry aren't dealt with soon! "Child Pecked to Death by Ducks!" would be the headlines on the Times-Picayune.

The mind boggles when imagining all the nuisance wildlife out there. Squirrels harrasing picnickers, pigeons roaming freely in the French Quarter, minnows fearlessly swimming with bathers in Destin - there's danger everywhere you turn! How many times have you witnessed the horrifying sight: a big labrador retriever or a tiny pekingnese or a tabby kittycat waltz right up to some unsuspecting human with no fear whatsoever demanding to be tummy-rubbed or ear-scratched? This fearless nuisance wildlife terrorizing us humans has to end! The wildlife nuisance control officers certainly have their work cut out for them. If only the animals could read their motto on their 4-wheel-drive pickups: "Fear us... or DIE!"

Clearly, We Need More Torture

It is gratifying to note that the U.S. doesn't violate it's own prohibition against torture without "the specific intent to inflict severe pain or suffering." In other words, practices that appear to be torture really aren't, despite what the ACLU and other bleeding hearts think. If you only wanted to "waterboard" someone to get your sadistic jollies, then that would be torture. But if you're using the waterboard as an "enhanced interrogation technique", then that's ok.

My point is this: since when did this become a problem? The U.S. government has been using "enhanced interrogation techniques" for years. Other countries have been doing so too (just ask John McCain). It's only been an uproar since the freaking ACLU decided that it needed to insert its fingers into the national security pie. Why? It's the American Civil Liberties Union, not the Oh-you-poor-foreigners Civil Liberties Union. If you wanna make sure that my mom isn't being dragged out of her home for a night of waterboarding to be asked about her high-school sweetheart who might have been a communist in the '50's, I'm all about that. But the point is, these aren't Americans we're talking about. They are TERRORISTS! I know, I've railed against calling every foreigner a terrorist, but the fact is that there are indeed terrorists out there. Go take a gander at ground zero in New York if you don't believe me.

Torture, um, that is, enhanced interrogation techniques should be applied to more "high-value detainees" (and to "low-value detainees" for that matter). That way, when they give the information requested and eventually set free by some ACLU-bribed judge, they will be strongly motivated to cease and desist from their anti-American "activities." They will also be less likely to recruit others for the job. And sentence will already have been served, condensed into a few sessions of "enhancement." The CIA gets its info, the detainees go home, justice has been served, and fewer people join the "Let's Kill Americans" extracurricular club. Everybody's happy. Except the ACLU, who will never be happy until anarchy is the order of all things.

The Epitome of Stupid

This is what pisses me off. I'm a paramedic and ER nurse. Here this man brought a gunshot victim, not to an emergency room, not to a doctor's office, not even to a police station, but to a TV station! Are you kidding me? Why do people do such ridiculous things? Pray tell, what exactly was the man expecting the news station to do? Film her bleeding? According to the report, he was going to "turn himself in" to the police. With that ostensible reasoning, to whom was he planning to speak at the police station - oh wait, NEWS STATION?!
Really? The news? If he was the perpetrator of the shooting, then not only should he be charged with that but also with felony stupidity.
It drives me up an Everest-sized wall when people load the sick and injured into their car and proceed to anywhere BUT where they need to go. I've picked up patients who were IN A CAR but the driver decided that instead of tootling on down to the hospital, they would stop at the Burger King, the gas station, their friend's house, the bank, the car wash, the convenience store or any other random freaking location to decide to call 911. You're in a car! With gas! Why can't you just drive your friend to the ER? WTF? Now you want to get on the news! Seriously? Again, I officially volunteer to be the state euthanasist.

"Nigger" Not a "Real Issue" - Jesse Jackson

Here we have it folks! Jesse Jackson himself, self-appointed Lord of the Black Americans, apologized for his use of "the n-word" while simultaneously asking Barack Obama et al to focus on the "real issues" affecting black people. Significantly, his statement to focus attention on "real issues" implies that the use of the "n-word" (which we all know is "nigger" and not, say, "nifty") is not a "real issue" that confronts "African-Americans."

Jesse Jackson himself said it! We now have the equivalent of Black Papal Dispensation to use the word "nigger" all we want, whether we are black, white, Asian, Hispanic, Pacific Islander, Native American, or whatever mixture our DNA dictates. This is a great day for Civil Liberties! Finally, an American who truly knows the meaning of the first amendment. Reverend Jackson does truly understand that racial "slurs" are not a "real issue" confronting any Americans today. Nigger nigger nigger! Cracker cracker cracker! Gook gook gook! Not a real problem in terminology. Any problem with this? I refer you to our great Civil Rights leader, Jesse Jackson!

Why even I myself just yesterday used the term "cracker" to refer to a group of folks reported on by CNN. Thank you, Reverend Jackson, for your official permission to use whatever slogans, slurs, opinions or terms I want to refer to members of either my own heritage or that of others. I and our great country have finally come to realize that mere words are not the greatest social ills facing mankind, nor our country. Three cheers for a great patriot!

Gotta Love White Trash

Wow. Pretty impressive. How did the news reporters get ahold of this little group? I don't know what I like better - the 300-pound dyke mom smoking a cigarette while coddling her kid? The shocking revelation of the 300-pound neighbor harboring a vicious pit bull? The 300-pound teenager giving the finger while admonishing the news people that the incident is "none of your business"? Maybe the little kid bit in the face who's sure to grow up to be a sensation on the drag circuit? Perhaps the on-camera bitch fight is the most fun aspect of the video? Man, it's all so entertaining! Kudos to the journalists that no doubt were camping out in this delightful neighborhood waiting for just such an indulgent story!

By the way, let me get this straight... the 300-pound mom waited till after the news people had interviewed her to pursue her physical assault and tirade against the pit bull-owning neighbor? And initiated that brawl only after the news cameras were already rolling. After she had already talked to the police and apparently not mentioned her son's bite injuries? Wow. I can just hear Jerry Springer talking to his people to get them on the show ASAP. Way to go, crackers!

What's wrong with this picture?

Does anyone see a problem with this? Here Congress is only willing to spend 1.5 billion on levees for New Orleans. But here Congress wants to spend over 90 billion for the war in Iraq! Granted, pushing up a bunch of dirt to keep the water out must be cheaper than invading a country halfway around the world. But the requested amount was over 3 billion for the levees, and they're only willing to give less than half! But they can't wait to spend 20 times that amount for a project in a place where no one wants them to be and the U.S. presence isn't going to make it any better! New Orleans could sure use a little chunk of that spare change, and we'd appreciate it a hell a lot more than the Iraqis.
Hey! Congress! A little help here, please!

Outsourcing Drive-throughs

Does anybody else see the problem with this? As if fast food isn't dehumanizing enough, now McDonald's wants us to talk to somebody in North Dakota to place our order for the drive-up window sitting 20 feet from our car! How long will it be before we're talking to Hyderabad, India to order our Happy Meals?
Generally if I simply must have fast food, I find it easier to order exactly what I don't want, then when they screw up the order, which the minions inevitable will, chances are greater that I get what I secretly desired.
If I'm talking to some outsourced thrall in Bumfuck, Egypt to get my food, and the window fool gives me 83 cheeseburgers, extra pickles, then to whom am I going to bitch? The Bumfucktard? No he's a million miles away, plus I'd have to circle back around to the static-y screech box. The window troll? No, the computer screen clearly says 83 cheeseburgers, extra pickles. God forbid he has an original thought. The manager? He's in the "office" masturbating to internet porn, or popping zits, or both.
If you absolutely, truly have no recourse but to resort to fast food, at least maintain what shreds of humanity are left in our society and park your car, get out and walk inside to order like a human should. Please.

Is It Art? Or Just Stupid?

Apparently someone in Alaska decided to capitalize on something that happens every time you leave your garden hose on when it freezes. John Reese describes himself as a "free-form industrial ice sculptor" because he leaves sprinklers running in the cold.
And to think, thousands have been doing this for free! Yet in the transcript from NPR he says he is the "only person on the planet" who does stuff like this. Tell that to my camellia bush that got decimated because I forgot the sprinker was on during on overnight freeze!
Does it seem to you that people do idiotic things just so they can say they're "the only person on the planet that does this"? I got news for ya buddy; not only are not the only person on the planet that can make outdoor popsicles, but neither do you have the worldwide market cornered on stupidity!

Suspicions Confirmed!

Surely you've experience the frustration that comes from calling "customer support" for anything. Likely you've hung up the phone exasperated over the useless time you spent dealing with "service" representatives. "That has got to be one of the stupidest people I've ever dealt with!" you thought to yourself.
Now CNN confirms this suspicion. They need software to tell them when the customer is upset. Excuse me, but I've always been able to rely on conversational skills to tell me the mood of the other person, even when I'm talking on the phone. Are these people so shut in that they don't experience conversation with people outside of taking service calls? They need a computer screen to tell them that the person on the phone shouting, crying, swearing at them is upset?
I've always suspected that a leaden intellect is a prerequisite to have a customer service job. Now I know it's true.

CNN.com - Errant bomb falls on hiking trail - Oct 24, 2004

CNN.com - Errant bomb falls on hiking trail - Oct 24, 2004

Wow. A fake bomb fell on a hiking trail. The crater was a mind-boggling six inches wide! My dick is bigger than that! They grounded the plane and are conducting an "investigation" ('so Joe, what happened?' 'I dunno.'). Why aren't they still looking for the live nuclear weapons that have been lost at sea since the 50's? Or the uranium that is missing from no fewer than three nuclear plants? But lordy, a hunk of iron falls on a trail? One hiker was so close, 'he could hear the thud!' Will he ever recover? I mean, a whole thud! Stop the presses! ('And what is your official position on lost hunks of iron, Mr. Kerry?') Here's mine: WHO CARES?

Why Venus Lost Her Arms

I am a huge astronomy buff. I read astronomy stuff every day and stargaze in my back yard whenever I can. But if I hear another thing about Venus transiting the sun I'm going to scream! Who cares? It's not going to affect anyone's lives. The only ones with a legitimate interest are esoteric planetary scientists and astronomers. It'd be one thing if this was on just astronomy websites, but this crap is all over CNN, Reuters, and MSNBC! And these are just the news sources I bothered to research! (MSNBC, in their eternal quest for inaccuracy, declared it the "Sight of the Century," when there will, in fact, be yet another transit of Venus a little later this century, in 2012.)

I mean, you can't even look at the sun, Venus or not, without doing damage to your eyes! And who wants to be bothered buying or constructing a "sun-safe" thingamajiggy to look? Here's an idea of what it looks like: blindingly bright ball of nuclear fusion. Now put a pinpint dot on it. Wow. Tell your grandchildren. They'll think you've gone senile.

And so what if it's a once in a lifetime event? A dot in front of the sun? Big freakin' deal! Aren't there other more exciting once in a lifetime events to go ga-ga over? Besides if you ask me, once in a lifetime events are overrated.

Wonderfully Awful Ideas

Finally! Someone has wised up to the inanity of the "entertainment" industry, where terrible ideas become Hollywood blockbusters. These are some of the best ideas for movies I've seen in ages.

Any other suggestions for bad idea'd movies? How about Titanic 2? Rose realizes she was an idiot for losing that huge damn diamond and goes to buy a cheap-knock off on Ebay. Then she goes to find her equally geriatric former fiance, who's riddled with Alzheimers. He can remember Rose and their engagement, but fortunately not the terrible incidents that transpired after the Titanic's sinking. Impressed with the big-ass "diamond," they get married, she inherits his millions and has a great boob job.She gets a show on MTV with the pilot episode featuring her in a catfight with Anna Nicole Smith. Flashbacks can include her dalliance as a prostitute and the heartache of having those ADHD grandkids.

Maybe we can have Crocodile Dundee 4: Back to the Outback. Paul Hogan moves back to the outback and has a "walkabout," only to catch yellow fever from a mosquito. Delirious with fever and dehydration, he is slowly consumed by a pack of dingoes and dies, forever ending this ridiculous chain of movies.

"Have some fun!"

Well, the department of Homeland Security has no specifics about anything at all and has no idea how, when or where it might happen, but Americans are being urged to use vigilance in traveling.

What exactly does that mean, 'use vigilance'? Are we supposed to check the sand under our beach chair for incendiary devices? Scope out our hotel room for weapons of mass destruction? Insist that everyone else on our plane to the Bahamas is a terrorist?

Isn't it fascinating that this warning, designed to cause Americans to panic and freak out, is timed so well with the president's campaign's rapid spiral into the abyss? The media must feel truly torn, having to decide whether to jump all over this terror threat warning and drive up their ratings by inciting panic as usual or, in the process of doing so, promote the cause of their self-chosen arch-enemy, George Bush and his administration. Decisions, decisions... Media-driven panic or make Dubya look bad by not reporting it? Oh, the agony!

Mind you, there is no practical value of actual terror threat warnings. Law enforcement can do nothing about it, other than take credit when nothing happens. It't like saying to someone in the heart of Times Square "My presence is keeping the tigers away."
"But there are no tigers in New York," you might reply.
"See, it's working!"

See, our terror threat warnings are keeping out the terrorists!

Videos aren't enough evidence?

I find it simply incredible that the pictures of the gunmen who shot two out-of-towners last year aren't enough evidence to warrant a trial. These guys were caught on surveillance cameras at a carwash shooting their AK-47's at two guys nearby who were badly wounded. I know, 'cause I was there!

Any moron with one eye and bad vision can see that these are the guys in the video. But according to Judge Arthur Hunter, one of New Orleans' fine paragons of justice, this isn't even enough evidence to warrant a trial! How much more evidence does he want? If that isn't enough to slough off your confidence in our "justice system," I don't know what is.

When the video was discovered and the arrests made, the police were thrilled that they had such a clear-cut case with irrefutable hard evidence. The residents in the neighborhood were overjoyed because these guys were terrorizing the locals. It was a victory for everyone. Now the only victorious ones are the would-be murderers.

Why do we bother having a police department? What is the purpose of the courts? Obviously to give Judge Hunter a forum to release documented criminals back on the street. America! What a country!

Why ever would the US leave Iraq?

Pretty wild that the U.S. would vacate Iraq if they thought America was unwelcome. What would ever give them that idea? If there's one thing that has characterized the war in Iraq it is the warm and loving welcome that US troops and personnel have recieved by all the Iraqi citizens.

What exactly does Mr. Bremer require to get the hint that US troops are not welcome? Obviously daily attacks on troops and contractors, televised beheadings of Americans and "U.S. get the fuck out" signs don't convey the message clearly enough. It reminds me of the Far Side comic where the couple has to feign death to get their guests to finally leave. There's an idea! Hey all you Iraqis reading this - pick a day and time and everyone just play dead. Believe me, all the invaders, er, sorry, "liberators" will get out quick 'cuz they won't want to have to clean up behind several million corpses!

It's worth a shot!